Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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