I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
