sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
