my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
