You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
