I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
