I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
