and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
