so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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