He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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