i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
