He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
