Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're like the curious george of whores
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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