i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
