My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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