So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
