that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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