I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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