The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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