You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
