The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
