awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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