My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
