Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
