he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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