I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
