He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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