dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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