I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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