Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
