I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
