you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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