Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
