if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
