i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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