i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
