You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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