i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
