i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just gargled with NyQuil
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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