Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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