yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
