my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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