I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
