38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
