In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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