"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
