Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
