I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
