We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
