Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
