she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
