i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
