i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
