so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
