Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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