i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
