yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
