His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
