So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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