Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
