It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
