i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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