His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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