Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't think brook has ever known best
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
