Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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