Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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