So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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