i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
