do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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