hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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