i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I didn't notice because vodka
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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