We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
