Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
