Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pooping to opera.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
