Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
