hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
