i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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