i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
